Year 2 of the pandemic is coming to an end and I have never felt more alone.
No! Not because I am locked up in my house against my will.
No! Not because I have lost friends.
No! Not because of a depression caused by the constant negativism spewing from various forms of media.
No! Not because of social deprivation.
It is because choosing the path of putting our trust in medicine and science has put us into a group of self-isolating weirdos; sheeple that follow instructions handed down from the top without questioning; the paranoid ones that disregard the psychological effects of a prolonged lockdown; or my personal fave…the communists that want to take freedom of choice away from the people.
I know that this post has the potential to piss a lot of people off, generate hate and provide ammunition to social media trolls and bullies, but I feel it is important for people to hear different views and, who knows, it might make some people a bit more empathetic to their friends and offer some of us – sheeple – a bit more peace.
Like most, at the start of the pandemic, we thought it will be just a matter of months before we get back to our normal lives. And like everyone, we were dealt constant blows by the damning news and worsening of the situation. But here is where we took a different turn. We put our trust in science. Most of us underwent a mind shift that allowed us to see this situation as a real pandemic. A pandemic that has the potential to continue for years. We had and still have some mistrust, of course. However, we made the decision to stay up to date with the latest research. No! Not the ever-damning news, but the real scientific research. We started following doctors, virologists, and scientists who dedicated their time and effort to figure out everything there is to know about this virus. We read predictions by economists, historians, doctors who explained that we are in for a long haul. We disregarded the empty promises by the politicians because we knew that they conflicted with the research and predictions of those who were closest to the virus and those who had the ability to foresee the actual effects of a global pandemic of this magnitude.
No! We did not let the news depress us. We did not choose to hide in our houses scared for our lives. We adapted.
Some of us picked up on new hobbies or began tackling projects from our long-term lists. Others immersed themselves in work or looked for ways to become more involved with organizations that offered help to those in need. Some put all their effort into their children and focused on providing them with normalcy and adventures, as much as possible. We biked in the summer, we played games in the winter, we kept ourselves busy. But most of all… we kept a balanced, logical attitude towards this pandemic and tried to keep up to date with all that was going on, even if that meant that we might have to “give up” our freedoms when a new strain emerged again.
So why the loneliness?
Because our choices gradually separated us from our closest people. I say gradually because pandemic fatigue did not happen overnight. At first, we were all in this together. Then we started having small sudden shifts in our comfort zones. The prolonged lockdowns and confusing policy decisions did not make things any easier. Those who listened to the news and politicians became less patient; more untrusting; frustrated by the constant push and pull strategies that were enforced; trapped in an emotional vortex, exhausted by having to navigate full-time work, online school, and chores with all members of the family constantly present at all times. So it wasn’t surprising when most people embraced Phase 1 and the opening of life again.
However, while we embraced those freedoms as well, we did so maintaining vigilance, safety, and keeping a constant eye on the latest findings. And that meant that we said no to indoor gatherings and big get-togethers indefinitely until it was safe to do so. That meant that when we had outdoor gatherings we kept our distance; during outdoor playground and play dates we wore our masks. That meant that dining out became extremely rare and limited to not busy patios only. So when another winter came upon us and the birthday season began we were those friends that had to say no to all invitations to unmasked indoor events.
The thing is that every time we have to deny another invitation to a close friend’s birthday bash, we grow more and more lonely. Not because we experience a great case of FOMO but because our efforts, knowledge, and fears are not shared; because discussing the real statistics and dangers of Covid is becoming more and more of a taboo topic, one of those topics you stay away from during Thanksgiving dinners. It is disheartening when you see everyone around you shut themselves off to the reality that is unfolding, purposefully choosing ignorance, as the other path comes with bouts of insecurities and inconveniences. It hurts when you realize that you are alone in your pursuit for knowledge, as everyone else seems to have assumed the position of “life goes on” or “we are all bound to get it someday”, or “ugh not more Covid talks please, it is depressing and aggravating”. It is lonely because our efforts are seen as drastic measures. We have become the outcasts, the anomaly, the irrational few, some might even call us cowards. But what hurts the most, is that neither of them is willing to reach out and talk about why we made these choices, even though we have made it clear that our door is always open.
Now, we have been blessed with incredible, loving and trustworthy friends and I have very little doubt in my mind that as soon as this whole thing is over we will be able to pick up exactly where we left off. Until then, we will welcome anyone who wants to hang out safely, continue to catch up and reach out to our friends all over the globe, embrace outdoor activities safely and above all, maintain our confidence in those who dedicate their lives and careers to getting us past this inconvenience. Some of us have been lucky to find new friends who share our views and thus entertain long discussions about our current situation. We will continue to read and stay up to date on this pandemic in the more logical, rational, and cool-headed way possible. And we hope that we all get to find each other again, once this thick fog has lifted.
XOXO
Your worried friend
The Tardigrade Mom 